Ear, Ear

"Can you put the rubbish out?" said Mrs P.

Silence

"Deaf old bugger."

"I heard that!"

"I thought you might. I call it selective hearing. When are you going to get your ears tested anyway?"

"I don't need my ears tested. You need to speak more clearly."

And so starts another repartee between Mrs P and me that has been ongoing for a few years now. To be fair I've known my hearing was getting bad for a while and I've always thought light of it. To me it's an inevitable result of a fair amount of shooting in the Armed Forces, including a couple of very loud explosions that actually knocked me off my feet. Not many people can say they've been blown up twice. Twice in one day that is! That made my old ears ring a bit!

The time came to actually take up Mrs P's incessant advice last autumn. I was also more than fed up with the continuous tinitus. The last straw came when I was tracking with Shadowhawk and inevitably the subject got on to bird language. Privately, I became quite upset when somebody identified a predator walking through the wood 200 yards away based on the alarm calls. If I was to do the same it would be a good idea if I could at least hear the birds!

My trip to the audiologist showed I was deficient at high frequencies in both ears but especially the right. I would need a hearing aid. I explained my hobby and she became sympathetic when I said I probably haven't heard a skylark for a good 10 years and explained about my wish to hear certain bird calls, which she listened to attentively.

After a moment's thought she said, "You'd better have two then," she said. I wasn't too sure what to say about having two plastic lumps hanging off both ears like some kind of lop-eared rabbit! To try and consol me she said, "But at least you've learnt to lip read." I frowned at this puzzling statement. She turned away, lowered her voice and said something incomprehensible. She then turned back and said "It often happens and people don't realise it. There you go. I've just said the same thing twice. I bet you tell your wife to speak more clearly."

After two months I received my new ears. I decided to stick with the NHS ones until I got used to them; nevertheless, the NHS ones are now full spec digital pieces with 3 programmes, a volume control and don't look that bad cosmetically. To buy the same pieces would cost someone £700-00 so I think I'll stick with these. I also realised how lucky I had been when the audiologist provided me with two of them.

After fitting and a blast of sensory overload at the audiologists, which made everything seem like I was in an echo chamber, I waited until I got home to try them out properly. I pushed them into each ear as shown and gradually turned up the volume to about half and went out in the garden. I sat down closed my eyes and took in the sounds around me. I was amazed! I heard every bird, every song and every note of every song. I looked around to find who was singing what and of course realised that I had to relearn what song belonged to which bird.

So there we have it. I have now got a new sense or it seems that way. I can hear again. Not only that, I can cheat and turn up the volume or engage the programme that activates the built in directional microphone! Brilliant! Bionic ears!!

Of course over the last month I've realised that there are downsides. I am literally having to relearn and reinterpret what I hear and not just bird sounds. I also have to turn down my "Sound Enhancers" if the wind gets up; and I can't get them wet. I still get sensory overload when both are in so apart from quieter areas I only tend to have one in at a time at the moment. Oh, and rustling crisp packets are deafening at any volume!

So now the scene plays thus:

"Can you take the rubbish out?"

"Okay...but you don't have to shout!"

Mmmm... no more excuses, but it's worth it!

All the best,

Pablo.

PS I'm taking Mrs P for a very un-bushcraft break in the Mediterranean for 10 days or so. I'll catch up when I get back.